A Question
“Is it possible to live in this world, psychologically without becoming anything?”
(Krishnaramuti, 1980)
In 2016 I asked myself this question. At the time I was in Sweden studying a course in software engineering and management. By 2018 I was preparing to leave Istanbul and meet an old friend in Tehran. A couple months before while living in Eskisehir, Turkey, I was shot in the head. A hooded man followed at me in night, shot me in the head, and slashed my forehead breaking a beer bottle over it. It was a violent assault.
There wasn’t any reason for someone to attack me. The attack happened when I was walking beside a dark canal at night in Eskisehir, Turkey. I noticed the man, dismissed the potential danger as an illusion of fear and put my hands on a tree beside the canal to calm myself. He followed behind me and by the time I turned he’d fired point at my forehead. But he didn’t kill me. The bullet directed downwards and lodged itself in my jaw so I survived. The event changed me. It changed my reason for science. I started with the question “How can I heal after this trauma?”. It was a chance to start applying my scientific knowledge for a real purpose. A serious scientific response to the problem of violence that occurs in our public and green spaces.
The image above is an x-ray with the bullet that my attacker shot into my head as I took a moment of calm beside a tree. I’ve decided to place this against a background of classical Iranian tile brick patterns. It represents the realisation that a less violent society is worth fighting for but it can’t be won with guns. The fear he tried to fire into my mind exploded outward into an empowering experience of life, because miraculously I lived and I saw the great works of Iranian architecture in a new light, as artistic expression in their efforts to heal minds and progress society. The response to his violence couldn’t be revenge. That would not be worthy of my life, it had to be much bigger, it had to understand how to transform a society that permitted this action to happen. Transformation of myself and the world I live within, for the better, for something more beautiful and empowering for others. Our work in healing is often more healing. A cycle of healing rather than a cycle of violence. That is a direction of my strength, of connection that empowers societies to thrive. It is a fight without weapons. A fight for a better future where guns are not placed on heads and fired. Into ideas and transformational change that inspires children and adults with beauty to construct a world that helps others and values life.
A Bus to Tehran and a Journey Through Mountains
On the bus to Tehran I felt excited at my friend’s suggestion to ride bicycles from Hamedan to Shiraz. The memory of the shooting and leaving a situationship motivated me to start the journey. My physical body was more healed but mentally there was still a lot I needed to unravel. I decided to approach the journey with my curiosity for science and intention to heal.
Our journey started from Hamedan. From Hamedan we rode up to the Ganjnameh Ancient Inscriptions then to Morad Tea House. From the tea house we descended the ski road at lighting speed into the valley. Spring mountain scenery passing us in a blur. I took that moment to breath in the beauty of nature and felt an exciting fear with my friend. The adrenaline of racing down the mountains on bicycles in spring with a good friend. The wheels on our bikes were turning and helping to unravel the trauma.
Inviting Beauty Into Public Spaces
The architecture of Iran after the shooting inspired me with profound feelings. I realised it was both the mind we were healing and our environment. The two were inseparable. It was a therapy sitting in quiet places looking at repetitive art designs. Being surrounded by art patterns and natural elements. And there wasn’t any expectation to be anything. That allowed me to go deeper into reflection with myself. In a small garden courtyard in the bazaar of Arak. Under the archways of Isfahan’s Naqsh-e Jahan Square mosques. Playful sparrows darting across the square up into the air and diving back down. The buildings in the environment invited me to reflect. And that helped me reprocess the trauma into something that inspired me. I didn’t need to fear, and I didn’t need to seek revenge. I found something out about myself. That I wanted to leave something behind for future generations. Something artistic and transformational like these Persian artists had done. Public spaces inviting us with safety and inspiring us with beauty.
Creating Public Spaces Safe and Inclusive
At a personal level I connected with an inspiring experience but, how could I bring this into the lives of others? Like those Persian artists and architects had done ! This inquiry wasn’t without conflicts. And for a long time I struggled. At Southern Cross University, Lismore I felt an emotional breakthrough. I was relieved when reading there was a global initiative to make public spaces safer. This was Sustainable Development Goal 11.7. It aims to make public spaces safe and inclusive.
Since finishing university I’ve continued with this pursuit of knowledge. On how to use science to transition our public spaces into places that reduce violence. Like the artists of Iran I want make something beautiful for others. I want to create beautiful and safe public spaces to reprocess our traumas. This way society has a better chance at re-finding itself with less fear and revenge. It has the chance to find itself with more empowered solutions that help us become a less violent society. Like I was able to do.
A Invitation for Musical Reflection
After reading this article I invite you to listen to Aurora by Kristjan Jarvi from the album Nordic Escapes. Similar to my experience, this music “describes a fresh start to an old flame, mysterious, magical, wonderous light that transports to the north, that is full of hope and awe. Having gone through one of the most difficult emotional journeys of his life the piece expresses the emotions of love, sorrow, longing and hope.” (Aldeeb, 2022, 03:18:40).
References
Aldeeb, T. (2022, September, 22). Sunday Afternoon. ABC Classics. https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/classic-sunday-afternoon/sunday-afternoon/104266580
Krishnamurti, J. (1980, July, 08). The movement of thought and becoming. Jkrishnamurti.org. https://jkrishnamurti.org/content/movement-thought-and-becoming